Your Boss is Out to Get You

Your boss may or may not be out to get you. You could ask, but then they would definitely be out to get you.

Do you work for a bad boss? If yes, don’t post that when you comment on this article. They may be watching you right now. This article will give you some tips and tricks for insulating yourself from their wrath, and just maybe learn to co-exist with the bane of your existence. Hashtag yeah right.

If you’re like me, then you’ve had at least one bad boss during your career. Bad bosses come in all flavors — from mild and ineffective to fiery and vindictive. Today’s article is not about how to fix a bad boss. That would be way too hard to do (and to write about). I’d rather talk about how to protect yourself from a bad boss. Putting razor wire outside of your cube is one way to protect yourself, but there are ways to watch your back without bloodshed.

1. Check Yourself. No one enjoys wrecking themselves. Are you sure your boss is out to get you? Do they treat the rest of the team the same way that they treat you? This may be hard to hear, but maybe you’re not the rockstar employee that you think you are. If that’s the case, then maybe your boss isn’t out to get you as much as they are trying to help you. I know, that’s crazy talk. It’s definitely all your boss, and the rest of these tips will help you deal with them.
2. Ask for feedback. It’s almost always worse than the truth when we assume what other people think about us. Schedule time to sit down with your lunatic boss and ask them for guidance. If they ask why, then you can let them know that you’re feeling less than confident about your status. It’s legitimately possible that they don’t know how they’re coming across. Ask them to be candid with you. Too nice is nearly as unhelpful as too mean. Here’s the hard part — you’ll need to own your mistakes and ask for help. Resist the urge to knock all of their desk accessories into the trash can, and actually listen to what they’re saying. They might have a point.
3. Still feeling a little paranoid about your boss? Bring in a second set of eyes. Find a somewhat/mostly/totally impartial third party to observe your interactions with your boss. If your manager is being a bully, then it will be obvious from the outside what’s going on. Prepare your script in advance. That third party will want to know why you’re asking for their help, and you don’t want your response to be “Fred is being a colossal tool.” Let them know that you’d like their take on an interpersonal situation. Just be sure to limit how many people you bring into the loop. You know how chatty Cathy can get. And snitches get stitches.
4. If you’ve definitely determined that your boss is out to get you, then it’s time to CYA — Cover Your Caboose. Paper trails aren’t just for HR anymore. Keep notes on what you’ve been asked to do and by when. If the request is unreasonable, then speak up. I find it helps to play the echo game — repeat back what they said to confirm that’s what they mean. Go through the details with a fine tooth comb with them. That’s right — you’re going to micromanage the micromanager. Asking them to confirm what other priorities will get cut is a good way to remind your boss that they’ve also asked for 5 other impossible things. Now the truly bad bosses will say “you figure it out”, in which case I recommend you still write your project plan & objections down and email it to them. They may not read it, but now you’ve got some verbiage to CYA.
5. Figure out your manager’s triggers — What makes them happy and what makes them lash out. Maybe the diet that they’ve been on for the last 4 years isn’t going well. A bowl of mini Butterfingers on your desk could make them a little happier to stop by. Maybe their boss is making them miserable. Offering to help out could change your perception to an ally instead of a punching bag. A well-timed snarky remark about their boss doesn’t hurt either. If you understand what sets then off, then you can anticipate and stay one step ahead of the nonsense.
6. Expand your horizons beyond your boss. You don’t want them to be the only person telling your story. Toot your own horn above and outside of your team. The most effective way to self-compliment that I’ve seen is to send an email to your boss (and cc their boss) thanking your boss for their support of a project that went fantastically well. At the surface level it will seem like accolades for your boss, but the real message is about how great you are. Chances are the senior person on the email won’t know what you’re talking about, and will reply with a “Great job everyone”. This tactic works equally well between different functions so you can share your awesomeness without dislocating your shoulder patting yourself on the back.
7. Radical notion — Help your boss get promoted. You may be thinking “Why would I help that colossal tool get more money?”, but remember your goal. You don’t want to work with that manager, so either you go, or they go. Make them look good, and encourage their ambition. Some bosses won’t want to leave though, and it will take a crowbar and some dynamite to get them out of their role. Don’t fret — use what you learned in the previous step to highlight how great they are, and eventually they’ll get tapped for another team or special project. If they don’t want to go, then you can casually volunteer to step in. Problem solved.
8. If all else fails, bail. Life is too short to get tortured at work. There are other places to work, other teams to join, or other fields you haven’t tried before. I know that concept might be tough for folks in highly competitive industries or parts of the world. You have to decide how much is enough and stick to your set limit. It’s surprisingly easy to get numb to bad situations, so my advice is to pay attention to the excuses you make. Otherwise, you might end up stuck for several years while slowly becoming just like your boss. Did that thought make you shudder? There’s your answer.

Contrary to what you might think, only a small percentage of bosses are actually evil. To co-opt Hanlon’s razor — Don’t attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by fear. Some bosses, especially newly minted bosses, feel they need to be a hard ass to get things done. A little understanding (and a little butt covering) will go a long way towards creating a positive working relationship. Just don’t CYA all the time — it’s really difficult to type an email using just your elbows and nose.

-Philip