How to Change your Reputation at Work

I wonder if this guy gets stopped in public a lot by opinionated people who don’t understand what memes are.

One of my co-workers once asked how I thought up the ideas for these articles. I told her it was simply a matter of hearing a topic during the course of a normal week that I couldn’t fully explain in a quick conversation. For instance, the topic of changing how someone is perceived at work came up earlier this week. I gave the condensed answer in a conversation, and now I feel the need to get the rest out of my head. Enjoy reading all of my thoughts on how to change your perception at work. Coincidentally there are 12 steps in this suggested regimen. Don’t read too much into that.

What are you like at work? That is the major (typically unspoken) question in any interview and development conversation. Your functional skills are very important of course, but it’s the perceived soft skills that typically decide who gets promoted, whose position gets cut, and who gets to schmooze with their boss’ network. The important word there is “perceived”. It’s not enough to have high EQ. Other people need to think you are great too.

Today’s topic is all about how to figure out & adjust what you’re like at work. Not what you think you’re like, but what everyone else thinks you’re like. One of my favorite questions to ask during interviews is what people are like in the office. Are they the sports nut, the funny one, the baked goods provider, the happy hour announcer, etc. I can count on one hand the number of times people who had an answer that was actually what they turned out to be like at work. Most of the time people aim broad and say they are the funny, and sensitive, and energetic, and motivating, and compassionate one. Not because they’re lying, but because that’s how they see themselves.

The exercise below will help you separate the facts from the noise. These steps are also useful in your personal life, but we’re going to focus on work life for now. Your family is usually willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Microwave one leftover fish dinner and you’re dead to most of your co-workers.

1. The most important tip: Don’t be a jerk. It should go without being said, but I still sense that some people need to hear this message. That goes for overt and covert jerkitude. What’s covert jerkitude you ask? How about a co-worker who decides to go to Europe for 2 weeks during your busy season? Or a boss who counts on your help so much that you’re starting to forget how old your kids are. Your goal is to not be a jerk of any kind.
2. Understand what your reputation really is around your workplace. I find it’s helpful to write down what you think your reputation is, and then ask a handful of trusted colleagues and your manager for their take. Be clear on what feedback you’re after unless you want to hear several versions of “you’re great to work with”. Ask them to be candid (or brutally honest) with you. It’s going to sting a bit at second, since at first they’re going to sugarcoat the message to avoid offense. Practice your stoic face and accept their feedback for the gift it is. Even if that gift is a bag of crap you hate and everyone is stupid.
3. As you’re reflecting on your bag of crap, remind yourself that a perception isn’t something you can control. There’s an image of you that exists in someone else’s head, and you can’t force a new perception on them. Your image change will come from showing and not telling. Actions speak louder than words, the proof is in the pudding, blah blah blah. You have to do before it will be.
4. Figure out what you want to change. This is a harder step than it first appears. What is the perception that you’re aiming to project? There are usually nuances involved vs. a complete reversal of your behavior. You might want to be seen as a direct leader vs. an aggressive blowhard, or an engaging sparkling wit vs. the thinks-he’s-funny guy. This step isn’t about how to fake your style. It’s about understanding that small changes are the quickest path to your goal.
5. Aim for steady and consistent changes. No one is going to accept abrupt changes as genuine. You want to steadily improve your perception and stay consistent with the new image. Imagine a cruise ship that wants to change course. That disease-ridden buffet isn’t going to turn on a dime. You are the cruise ship in this metaphor (one of the nice, expensive ones). Gentle pressure over time is going to improve your trajectory.
6. Ask for help from the people you trust. You trusted them enough for the bag of crap, so surely you can trust them with helping you get rid of it. This could be a weekly check in with your boss, or giving your teammates permission to call you out when someone spots one of your opportunity areas. Your knee jerk reaction may be to become defensive. Just remind yourself that you asked for this because you genuinely want to improve. Own your mistakes and slip ups — acknowledge them, reflect on why they occurred, and plan for what to do differently next time.
7. Set your ego aside. Let people help you. Allow your peers to try a new method for something you owned/created. Susan didn’t create the weekly status update the way you told her to do it. Did the difference make a difference? No? Then accept the outcome and move on with your day.
8. Don’t forget about doing the ordinary things well and consistently. Have clean hair and clothes (or at least the appearance of being clean). Show up to meetings on time, and participate when you’re in the meeting. Listen and ask questions about what’s going on within your company. If you’re already doing these things, good — keep it up. If you aren’t doing these, they are negatively impacting your perception with the people you are trying to impress.
9. Remember that the little things matter. Find those small areas to emphasize your new style. Offer to help on something beyond your job scope. Take a new person under your wing (without stepping on their manager’s toes). Writing thank you notes, and thanking people publicly, goes a long way towards diminishing jerk status.
10. React positively to change — much easier said than done. Your company is going to experience change, either intentionally or change will happen to you. Your leadership is going to be looking to see who reacts to that change with an open mind. That’s not to say you need to be a pushover and accept everything that is thrown at you. Seek first to understand the change and if there are any ways to minimize the impact before swearing & throwing things. You’ll be perceived as more level headed than your panicky peers.
11. For my timid-seeming friends — Save apologies for when they count. Saying that you are sorry multiple times a day does not send a compelling, strong message about you and your leadership capabilities. Practice your non-apologetic phrases like “excuse me” and “let me finish my freaking thought before you interrupt me”. Saying sorry only when you mean it sends a better message than being constantly sorry.
12. One last tip for the managers out there — Aim to be clear vs. nice. It’s easy to misconstrue positive comments for approval. Your team looks to you to set the direction and provide guidance. You need to be clear with your expectations if you want your team to see you as the leader. Managers that are too nice end up confusing their team on their progress, and letting deadlines slip instead of being firm. That is a manager that leadership perceives as someone ready to be promoted to customer.

This will be an enlightening exercise if you allow yourself to be vulnerable, and an exhausting exercise if you don’t. The first person you should be honest with is yourself. Only you really know your intents and inner thoughts. Embrace the idea that perception is nearly as important as reality and get on with it already. Be seen as the person you want to be, not an outdated version that you’ve allowed to continue. And avoid jerkitude. Can’t stress that one enough.

-Philip