How to Become Dispensable at Work
This article continues the series of articles inspired by my friends. I’m going to talk about how to make yourself dispensable at work. That’s not a typo — I want to give the shining stars a chance to slack off too. I know what you’re thinking, “Surely Philip wouldn’t be dumb/bold enough to just write the opposite of an article on becoming indispensable.” Well, I am that bold (and don’t call me Shirley). If you didn’t like that Leslie Nielsen homage, then maybe you’ll like this joke — Why did the taxi driver get fired for working so hard? Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.
Today’s topic is going to hit a few people hard, while making everyone else mildly chuckle (I’m lowering your expectations so the article will seem funnier). This one goes out to the overachievers. The folks who always pull their weight and more; who set the example of what employees can be; who may or may not be resented by the rest of their colleagues who just want to go home already. I’m writing this in honor of my very hardworking friend who works at a local school district. If anyone deserves a break, it’s her.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an overachiever, except when you become indispensable. As in, they cannot function without you, so they keep piling on more work until something breaks. What happens when you are so crucial to your boss and team that they can’t afford to let you move on to something else? If that sounds like you, then this guide will help you step down from that lofty pedestal. Aim slightly above average, and you’ll never have to worry about panicked phone calls at midnight again.
- Quit volunteering for things. Sounds obvious, but not to the indispensable ones. Say no to favors, special asks, and pleas for help. Don’t explain why, just say no. Be selfish with your time. It is your time to spend as you see fit, regardless of what your boss and other communists might tell you.
- Only deliver on expectations and commitments. Stop going the extra mile (think of the fired taxi driver). Overachievers achieve more than expected (it’s right in the name). Aim for Achiever instead. Do what they asked you to do, and then stop doing. “Raising the bar” should only enter your vocabulary if you work for a commercial building foundation repair company.
- Stop being the resident expert. This one requires some foresight if you are already a resident expert. You’ll have to find a new sucker to take over that role while you fade slowly into the background. If you’re not the solution generator, then people will stop asking you for solutions. One caveat, if you do need to still be an expert on something, then pick an aging technology or other passe topic that is losing favor. Dot matrix printer specialist sounds nice to me.
- Constrict your work networks — Superstars know how to get things done and who to ask. The Justokaystars know that knowing more people is a good way to learn new things and create connections. And that can lead to being the go to contact. Avoid talking to useful people & attending social gatherings as much as possible.
- Be less fun to talk to. Distracted and irritable is much easier to maintain than attentive and chipper. People will quit asking you for advice when they have to hear about how much your chair is making your butt hurt. Mix up your woes from time to time — complain about your kids, then your back, and then your car. Keep them on their toes while you stay off of yours.
- Make your supervisor’s life slightly harder. Anyone can get kudos for making their manager’s life easier. It’s a fine balancing act to create only a small amount of drama and/or chaos. Fun tactic: Follow the job description to the letter. Ain’t on the description, then it ain’t my problem.
- Stay closed off to new ideas and styles. Embracing change is for panhandlers, and being flexible is for gymnasts. You’re perfect(-ly adequate) just the way you are. Knowing too much gets people into trouble. Stop learning from your mistakes, and you can make them over and over again.
- Lose the optimism and can do attitude. When people share their problems with you, a well-timed “Yeah, sucks to be you” is a lot less motivating than offering sympathy or proposing a solution. The fewer people that talk to you, the earlier you’ll be able to get out the door.
- Fill your schedule with easy projects first. “Sorry boss, can’t get to that urgent presentation because I need to finish color coding these Excel tabs.” I’ll bet that all of us have items on our to do list that never make it to the highest priority. Time to give those underdog projects a chance.
- Let your team down every once in a while. Not so often that they want to replace you, but just often enough that there’s a slight doubt on whether or not you’ll deliver. Even dependable cars stop working for no reason. Your new benchmark for success: “Yeah, I’m sorta confident that Keith will get done on time”
- Advanced topic for the overachievers of being lazy — Use reverse psychology. Tell everyone that you’re indispensable in an obnoxious tone. Demand a better parking spot, hell, demand 2 parking spots. You’re very important based on how much work that you’ve been given. It’s only fair to act like the diva they apparently consider you to be.
In case you couldn’t tell, this has been a work of satire. Don’t come crying to me when you try out these tips and get scolded by your boss. Though as an incentive, if you do get scolded and send me the deets, I’ll make sure to include your experience in a future article. In fact, feel free to send me any awkward or embarrassing work stories and I’ll make sure your story is heard by the masses. Well, not exactly masses. Heard by at least 5 people anyway.
-Philip
