Exercises to do at your Desk

Smug looking people in a Photo by Akram Huseyn on Unsplash

Howdy everyone. Today’s topic comes to us as a special request from (and with help by) a few of my favorite salespeople. Shout out to the Coty CMK team — they share the blame/credit (a.k.a. blamit) for the nonsense that you’re about to read.

I’d like to talk about your health. Not the health screening that you probably will see elsewhere in the newsletter I’m talking about exercises we can all do at our desks without hurting something. We all need to stay mentally and physically active when we’re stuck at home. We’ve come up with the perfect regimen to keep you in slightly-better-than-bad shape while you’re on conference calls all day.

Exercise #1: Paper clip bending

• See how perfectly straight you can make the paper clip wire. Were you expecting something more complicated?
• This exercise teaches patience and strengthens your fingertips. You can also bend the paper clip back into its original shape (or as close as you can get it to the original shape).

Exercise #2: “What-are-you-even-talking-about” arm waves

• When you hear something on the call that disagrees with your personal position, stand up and point your hands towards the screen with palms facing upwards and your fingers spread apart. Be sure to squint your eyes and exhale forcefully while you do so.
• You can also alter the motion and point your index finger towards the screen while saying “now they know what they’re talking about!”.

Exercise #3: Office note origami

• Find your least important piece of paper and start folding it. If anyone asks what you are making, say “you’ll see” and then quickly change the subject.
• This exercise is also good for producing and flying your own paper airplanes If you compete against yourself, you’ll always be a winner.

Exercise #4: Paper clip “quarters”

• All you need is a cup, some paper clips, and your phone to be on mute. Try to bounce a paper clip off of your desk or table and have it land in the cup.
• Once you’ve mastered the bounce off the desk, try a bank shot off the other surfaces. The monitor shot is a tricky one.

Exercise #5: Chair Luge and/or Spinning Teacups

• Important — remove your headset before attempting either motion
• Hallway + chair with wheels = your own personal luge. Chairs that spin can be used to replicate the teacup ride at an amusement park.
• Special note — Your interns (children) will want to participate if they see you. The author of this article assumes no liability if something or someone gets broken.

Exercise #6: Paper ball Basketball & Office putt putt

• We’ve all played this before, but now you can call it exercise. Wad up those old pieces of paper and aim the ball at a container of your choosing. Bonus points if it’s a recycling bin.
• Find a stick of your choosing and basketball becomes golf. You may have to turn the bin on its side if you want to score any points.

Exercise #7: Bikram dusting

• Those dust bunnies aren’t going to clean themselves — turn up the thermostat, break out the duster of your choice, and tackle that dust during your call.
• This exercise is particularly effective as it combines the benefits of rapid cardio with yoga as you stretch as far as your headset will allow you to go.

Exercise #8: Seated jumping jacks

• Just like it sounds — wave your arms in the air as you bounce in your chair. That’s right, wave them as if you just don’t care.
• Caution — your neighbors might assume you’re signaling for help, so close your blinds before you begin.

Exercise #9: Animal curls

• For those of us with pets — removing your dog or cat from your lap or desk before they get too comfortable
• Remember, lift with your legs and not with your back. Those of us over 40 know we’re just one bad sneeze away from a back brace.

Exercise #10: Doing the wave on the next Teams or Zoom video call

• This will require some coordination — have the video call participants practice doing the wave in their respective houses
• I recommend having each member of the audience count off by fours and to stand when their number is called.
• Clap your hands to signal the beat. If you were in the marching band, I bet you’re having flashbacks right now.
• Be sure to turn off the option to sort attendees by who spoke last. Your wave will be all over the place and it will hardly be worth having the call at all.

As always, please consult a physician before starting any new exercise regimen. I’m betting you’ll hear the face palm over the phone after you describe the exercises.

-Philip